"THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND DISCIPLESHIP"

“What can I get from coaching that I cannot get from calling pastor friends of mine?”

This was basically what one pastor said to me on a Meet and Greet call (a call designed for people interested in coaching with us, to explore it a little more). Already a little confused? Let me start this story from the beginning...

The pastor mentioned above had been referred to me by one of our pastoral coaching clients. The client had testified that his ministry and life had been wonderfully changed by the Lord through coaching. However, the pastor on the Meet and Greet call was clearly offended that he would even be considered for coaching by someone else. Why he chose to be on the call with me, I still have no idea.

I knew before starting this ministry that pastors would respond this way (being offended at the notion of coaching). It was my complaint to the Lord when he first called us to this ministry. “They don’t want it, they’re too prideful for it, and they won’t pay for it.” And He wanted me to rest my family's livelihood upon it?

And yet, they desperately need it:

• as decades of Barna numbers have shown (the church in America is in and has been, in steady decline for decades).

• as decades of various denominational numbers have shown (the church in America is in and has been, in steady decline for decades).

• as this article will show.

In fact, denominations are now trying to move to mandate some form of coaching among their pastors. The pastors continue to fight it and shoot it down.

(Sidenote: I agree with the pastors here as mandating coaching NEVER works. You can’t mandate salvation, spiritual growth, discipleship, or coaching – a form of discipleship. Ok, back to the story…)

I admit, I was very frustrated on the inside, that this pastor would come on a call to explore coaching, seemingly offended from the beginning... but I was not letting it show on the outside. I had a job to do. Maybe I could help this pastor see the positive truths about coaching. But then the pastor flat out asked me that question: “What can I get from coaching that I cannot get from calling pastor friends of mine?”

Seriously? Now I was struggling to keep my composure.

I felt like the Lord gave me a brilliant response. I asked the pastor how many of those pastor friends has he actually called in the last 8 months. He said a few. I asked him how often. He said a couple of times, total. I asked him what they talked about. He said:

• The design of their foyer.

• How to fill out tax forms. (Don’t call a pastor about that – FYI.)

• How to fill out W2 forms.

I told him that in coaching, we would drill down into his walk with the Lord – growing it and deepening it. We would drill into the vision for ministry that the Lord has given him for his church – discussing how to best implement it to drive success. I told him that we would tackle challenges together when they came up, and that the time to not start coaching was when you found yourself in the middle of big challenges. And finally, that part of coaching is the consistency of the conversations that happen like clockwork. That consistency and that accountability is huge.

His response?

“What can I get from coaching that I cannot get from calling pastor friends of mine?”

Yes – he asked that question again!!!

I have found that when people repeat the same question in the face of already having been delivered a highly comprehensive answer, they either purposely did not listen to the answer and/or are ignoring wisdom and truth, so that they can maintain their predetermined standpoint/decision/will.

The phone call lasted a few more minutes and then it was done.

Yes, I had (for the most part) kept my composure all the way through… but I was so mad. What a waste of my time. He agreed to a phone call with me for what… to argue with me about the validity of the ministry that God has given to me? Or to validate to me that he is a good pastor? Just like so many other pastors that I have encountered. So much pride… out of so much brokenness.

See, I know that they hide the fact that they are terrified that someone will find out that they don’t know everything… and surely then, they will lose their job.

And then what? Who else will hire them? What else can they do? So many of them feel so trapped. And like the shrewd steward, often time facing the same pressures, they begin to compromise their integrity to secure their survival.

You know what? I get it. I had lived in those shadows myself.

And this all is exactly why I never wanted to do this ministry to pastors to begin with. (Ok, again, back to the story.)

I tried to sluff it off, refocus on Jesus, and go about my day.

Later that day, the Lord revealed a startling truth to me: American pastors don’t understand discipleship.

That was part of that pastor’s roadblock in our discussion. He did not understand discipleship. Some pastors don’t want to understand it because of the commitment that it requires. Some don’t want to understand it because of the lack of glory that accompanies it. Some don’t want to understand it because it requires getting close with people… and when you are trying to hide from them while causing them to still feel connected to you, discipleship is the absolute worst thing you could do. And some don’t understand it because we as a church have moved so far away from it.

Let me ask you this… do you understand what discipleship is?

Can you define it? I would ask you to.

Now compare your answer with Jesus’ example of discipleship. How about Paul’s example? Does your answer look anything like their examples?

If not, you may not understand discipleship either. Look, it isn’t a series of classes. It isn’t Sunday School. It isn’t small groups. It isn’t Sunday morning service. It isn’t the occasional conversation with a friend.

Don’t feel bad if you realize now that you didn't actually know what discipleship is. We have moved so far away from it in the American church that, if not for the examples in the Bible, we may have had lost it entirely. But those examples are still there. And I want to encourage you to prayerfully seek those examples out.

“Me? I’m not a pastor. Why me?”

Because of the part of the Bible that every Christian denomination that I know of refers to as the "Great Commission" – which is the direct calling from Jesus to all believers to “…go and make disciples…”.

In fact, Ephesians 4 tells us that the pastor’s job is to raise us up to be able to successfully do this ministry.

In other words, pastors are to disciple their congregants on how to successfully do the work of ministry – reaching the lost, disciplining the found, and healing & caring for those in need.

(And part of discipleship is what I call show and tell… not just leading by example, but bringing us along as they fulfill their part of the Great Commission.)

You thought all of those responsibilities were part of the pastor’s job, didn’t you?

The Bible says that it is your job (and mine, and you pastor's) – even if your pastor has not done their job to disciple you in how to do it.

Why wouldn’t they have done their job to disciple you?

For all the reasons stated above… and because fully releasing you into ministry taps into pastors' other fear – that they won’t be needed by you. That need gives many of them a sense of peace that they will have a job for one more day.

Before you judge them for all of this, put yourself in their shoes.

In America today, it is not easy to fire someone in most cases – especially when performance in that job can be measured. (That is why the hiring process keeps getting more and more detailed and complicated.) But imagine that your family’s livelihood was based solely on how a small group of people felt about you and/or that the only measurable data that you could effect was income and/or attendance.

Still not convinced - to not judge them? (I had to put that hyphen in there so that my editor would not ding me again for a double negative in the same sentence.) Think about this - when you lose your job, most of you can find another one in your same town.

For a pastor, they usually must leave that geographical area so as to not compete with the pastor who takes their place. Most end up having to leave the state that they are living in. Have you had to do that once or twice? You probably would rather not do that again, huh? This is their daily fear.

"They shouldn't be living in fear!"

No, they shouldn't. But let he who has never struggled with living in fear cast the first stone.

This article isn’t about you judging American pastors. It is about getting truth out in the open and into the light. It is about driving the church to return to Biblical discipleship and growth. It is about asking you to pray for American pastors. It is about you supporting them when they begin to take your church in a VERY different direction; one that focuses much more on discipleship.